Dear Audi S4 from my Commute

"cazzyodo" (cazzyodo)
08/25/2015 at 08:55 • Filed to: Dear Asshat

I’m sorry; I did not see you until you were basically in my lane. Based on the next 8 miles of our travels I can only assume you appeared from two lanes to my right.

I’m sorry I didn’t back off once you got in front of me. See, there were two car lengths between me and my forward neighbor but after your move I only had half between us. It’s not that I wanted to box you in but that I did not back off.

No.

I would never do that.

I just didn’t feel the need to wear my brakes down because of your highness.

I do appreciate the 4 seconds of washer fluid. I let it build up enough to get that bug splatter off my passenger side. It was... bugging ...me. Thank you.

I can’t speak for the Chevy Malibu you ended up getting stuck behind but I believe he is sorry for trapping you as well. I know because as I passed you both he seemed to be well aware of what he was doing. You must have noticed me go by because lo and behold, you were in my lane again, though this time behind me. Perhaps our encounter from earlier was still fresh in your mind because you kept your distance.

Pity.

I had my wipers ready in case you needed to rinse again.

You said your farewell when you swung two lanes to the right and slunk your way between vehicles like a snake in the grass. I tracked your progression by the taillights of your victims...but I didn’t say goodbye until I saw you stuck in a mile-long queue to exit the highway.

It gave me such pleasure.

Karma’s a bitch.

-Cazzyodo

Note: This is letter #2 from my commute. !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! was to a Civic SI. I assume there will be more.